Broken
by EternallyEC
Summary: Natalie isn't quite the same as she once was, but her connection to John remains the same. One shot


**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, don't sue.

**Author's Note: **Many thanks must go to Missy, Tina and Chantal for reading this through and helping me with the title!

**Title: **Broken

John sighed, staring at the bottle of whiskey in front of him as his mind drifted back to the first time he had watched her walk into Crossroads. It was a memory of a woman who no longer existed; hadn't existed for nearly five years now.

"John," Natalie called through the door, and his heart twisted as he heard the tears in her voice. He stood to his feet and slowly made his way across the room mentally reprimanding himself. But that was how it had been ever since-- He shook his head. He wouldn't go there tonight; he couldn't if he was expected to pick Natalie back up off the floor yet again.

John opened the door and stepped back, allowing Natalie to rush into the room. Her face was streaked with mascara and tears, and the past five years had aged her much faster than they should have. The proof of all that she had been through was there for anyone who looked at her face--or into her eyes.

"Who was it this time?" he asked wearily as she threw herself down onto his couch and he returned to the floor. She grabbed for a pillow as she lay back, clutching it to her chest tightly as she tried to speak past the tears.

"Tommy," she managed to choke out, burying her face in the pillow. John cursed as he turned to look out the window. Tommy knew how fragile Natalie's condition was, but he continued to jerk her around like a yo-yo. _Just like you did for all those years, helping her get to this point McBain? _

He shoved the small voice in his brain's words aside as he slowly walked over and knelt by the couch.

"Natalie, look at me. Look at me." She lifted her watery eyes to meet his gaze obediently. "I want you to stay away from Tommy." She shook her head. "No, Tommy loves me. I can't stay away." She crossed her arms over her chest defiantly and for a moment it was like the old Natalie was back. But then she dissolved into tears again and with it went his momentary weakness.

"Natalie, Tommy loves you but not enough to make sure that you stay safe." He chose his words carefully, having been on the receiving end of her tantrums and fits several times when he hadn't checked his tongue while talking about Tommy. He'd ended up with two black eyes and a cracked rib during the worst.

"But--nobody else loves me enough to let me stay with them," she said softly, her eyes wide and childlike as she looked up at John. He swallowed at the innocent longing he saw there and he reached out to gently touch her cheek with his thumb.

"I do," he said softly.

She looked unsure as she lay a hand over his. "You do? You never told me that before, did you?"

He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I've always loved you. I just wish that it hadn't taken me so long to admit it." He closed his eyes against the unfinished thought.

"And now it's too late--because I'm broken," she whispered, gently wiping away the tears that were streaming down his face.

He shook his head, gently taking a hold of her hand and pressing his cheek into her palm as he opened his watery blue eyes to look into her own.

"You are not broken. Don't ever let anybody tell you that. Some bad stuff happened to you and you're a little lost, but you are not broken."

Natalie ducked her head shyly, making no move to move her hand from underneath his warm grip. He was the only person besides Tommy she had ever felt safe with since her… accident. She couldn't remember anything before she had woken up in the snow that night, but some part of her had remembered him.

She shivered slightly as she remembered the chill of that night and the warmth of John's leather jacket around her shoulders. He had taken care of her ever since that night, except when Tommy did. And even then sometimes the duty still fell to him.

Her eyes widened slightly as he brought her hand to his lips, kissing it gently before he released it. She leaned forward and placed her hand on his cheek again, gently pressing her lips to his in a soft kiss. John kissed her back for only a moment before he broke the kiss. "Natalie, I can't—"

She shook her head, pressing a firm finger to his lips. "I'm lost, but you—I think you're my way home," she murmured, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him passionately.

After a moment he pushed her back against the couch. "Natalie—" She smiled. "I love you, John. That's the reason why I've always felt so safe with you for the past five years. Tommy—he doesn't need me, really. He was… safe," she said, tugging at the sleeve of her sweater.

"You make me feel safe, but there was this fire when we just kissed… I like that fire. I want to be burned." She leaned forward and kissed him again, and this time John surrendered to the flames, wanting to be burned by her just once more…

FIN


End file.
